The Thought of You (2014)

i quit

 

i'm done

 

the thought of You pulls me back in

 

every time without fail

 

it takes but a second for me to apologize

 

for me to beg for forgiveness

 

after all this is all my fault

 

i gave up on us

 

i hadn't thought about how You would feel

 

i'm the bad guy here

 

i'm so sorry

 

all is forgiven

 

and it begins again

 

I leave

 

the thought of You pulls me back in

 

but this time its different

 

this time blood is drawn

 

a blow to the back of my head

 

a few broken ribs

 

fingernail trails running down my legs like ruined hosiery

 

whats wrong?

 

what have i done?

 

i'm not good enough

 

it's all my fault

 

i'm the bad guy

 

please forgive me

 

time passes

 

i realize that something has changed

 

what once made me happy has turned against me

 

my precious thought of You

 

now a monster

 

i run

 

the thought of You pulls me back in

 

this time its worse

 

why?

 

why are You so angry?

 

why are You acting this way?

 

please tell me!

 

i need to know

 

its in the loneliness where I find my answer

 

the thought of You is desperate

 

the thought of You knows i am growing stronger

 

the thought of You is afraid of losing me

 

because without me the thought of You dies

 

disappears

 

ceases to exist

 

You need Me

 

but I no longer need you

 

so I run

 

and the thought of you pulls Me in again

 

but this time I am not afraid

 

this time I am not sorry

 

this time I am determined

 

and I run

 

the thought of you pulls Me back in

 

I'm sorry

 

but I do not apologize to you

 

its for Me

 

because today I am not strong enough

 

but tomorrow is another story

 

and all the tomorrows after that

 

 I will run

 

I will crawl

 

I will fight

 

My precious little thought of you

 

the monster in My head

 

will fade