Its that time of year again when every surface is bombarded with red, white, and pink. The shelves are lined with stuffed creatures that have nothing to do with matters of the heart, your trash bin is filled with the wrappers of the cheap chocolate that was packaged in a cardboard box, and you've tried everything you can to keep those dollar store roses alive. Yup. This Friday is Valentines Day and the scent of chalky heart candies is in the air. Ah, romance.
The previous may not be everyone's valentines experience. Some people love the color combo of red, white, and pink. I'm sure someone out there would love to adopt every stuffed creature. And no one regrets the chocolate until they realize they've eaten the entire box.
Honestly though. Valentine's Day is not about these things. Valentines to me is about spending time with the people you love. It has taken me years to get to this realization.
I have never been in a relationship. When I was a teenager I used to hate Valentine's Day. My mother would say something like "I know you don't celebrate today but I love you" as she handed me a stuffed frog prince and a small box of chocolates. I would then gobble the box of chocolate, regret doing so, and curse the universe for my singleness.
Yup, i'm a keeper.
I learned that there was an alternative to this holiday, in fact there are many. SAD, or Singles Awareness Day, became my go to for when anyone brought up Valentines Day. Why should I be forced to celebrate a day that is intended for lovers if im single? I'll celebrate it when i'm in one.
Again, i'm a keeper.
After years of not being in a relationship and promising myself that it isn't always going to be that way (fingers crossed) I've come to the realization that Valentines Day is just another day. It is just another opportunity to show that you love someone. It is no different than the day before and the day after. The only reason that it feels different is because we put so much emphasis on our "status."
I went to the hospital the other day. The nurse was filling out my paper work when she was said "and you're single..." After a couple of seconds she realized her mistake. She never asked my status. "I guess I should ask and not just assume." She admitted before asking me the question that people seem to dread.
Married or Single? Married or Single? Married or Single?
Our culture is obsessed with status. It screams at the top of it's lungs "You are either with someone or you will be forever alone!" It dissects and knit-picks the relationships. It humiliates and damns the individual.
This is a sad, sad way to look at life because I am more than a status.
I am not married. I am not single . I am not swearing off relationships. I am not waiting for a relationship as if I am a stalled conveyor belt waiting to start.
I am simply alive. Isn't that interesting enough?
If I could I would white out the question but I cannot. That question holds too much power over people to be rid of completely. Would we even know how to describe ourselves if those words were not imprinted in our brains?
Married or Single? Married or Single? Married or Single?
When we categorize people we only see the category and not the individual. When humans become a stereotype they aren't human anymore. Why would you do that to anyone? Why would you do that to yourself?
Yes its fun to make lists and check them twice (especially if you are Santa Clause) but at what cost?
I need to learn not to judge people or myself based on status. It will take an entire lifetime and longer in order for me to learn this lesson completely. This time a year is a great time to start.
Valentine's Day is four days out. I don't have a hot date or a pity party to go to. I hope to be spending that day reminding my family how much I love them. I also hope to spend it watching Tangled, cuddling the stuffed frog prince that I kept all these years, and maybe - just maybe - not eating an entire box of chocolate.
Happy Valentine's Day
-Awel
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