Bravery

I've had purple hair for almost a year now and let me tell you something it's been a challenge. You either keep up with your roots or you don't. You either use expensive dye or you don't. You either get used to the looks, the comments, and the questions or you don't. Well as you can see my roots are brown. My hair is dry because of cheap dye. I'm slowing getting used to allowing myself to be okay with people staring at me because purple hair is not natural. People are going to react to it.

I've come up with a scale for the comments I get (and sometimes over hear). It ranges from "you'll never get a job' to 'I love your hair.' While hearing people whisper about me behind my back irks me, there is one comment I hear that bothers me even more.

 I wish I was brave enough. 

I think it bothers me because I wasn't brave. I wasn't brave when took I two boxes of purple dye to the cashier. I wasn't brave when I ripped open the box and read the instructions. I wasn't brave when I noticed the dye had somehow managed to slip underneath the plastic gloves and stained my skin in big purple splotches. I wasn't brave when I waited for it to process or when I watched a waterfall of purple go down the drain.

I was terrified and unsure about how this was all going to work out. I was afraid I would have an allergic reaction or that my hair would turn green and fall out in clumps. I was afraid that I was going to have purple skin forever. I was afraid that I was going to ruin the shower with the dye. I was afraid. I was afraid. I was afraid.

It's safe to say that I wasn't brave enough to dye my hair purple until the about the third time I dyed it and I still get a jolt of "I don't know what I'm doing" whenever it's time to dye again.

This whole question of bravery has me pondering what I'm not brave enough to do. It doesn't surprise me that I can come up with a handful or more things that I would do if I were brave enough. 

Wearing shorts during the summer

Two piece bathing suit

Public speaking

YouTube videos

Go back to school

Tell people what I'm actually thinking

Buy a one way plane ticket and just travel

Finish my novel

Learn to speak another language

And the list goes on.

When it comes to my blog, the one thing I'm afraid of is my name. I'm sure you know by now that my name isn't Awel. It's a beautiful name. it means 'breeze' in welsh. But its not my name, it's not me. I'm more of a tornado than a breeze. 

But this post isn't about 'what kind of storm are you' quizzes you can find on the Internet. It's about what you wish you were brave enough to do. 

right now, I wish I was brave enough to tell you my name. I wish I could take you out for a milkshake and sit down in some quiet spot. I wish I wouldn't be so nervous or awkward. I wish I wouldn't talk about the weather or go on long tangents like I'm doing right now. I wish I could take a deep breath, look you in eyes and tell you the secret I've been keeping from you all since I began this adventure.

Hello.. My name is Kat and yes I have purple hair.